The Devil's Dictionary

 The Devil's Dictionary - Từ điển ma quái - được bắt đầu in trên một tờ báo hàng tuần vào năm 1881, và được tiếp tục một cách rời rạc trong khoảng thời gian dài cho đến năm 1906. Trong năm đó, một phần lớn của nó được xuất bản trên bìa với tựa đề The Cynic's Word Book.

(Nguồn: https://manybooks.net/titles/bierceametext97dvldc10.html)

Tác giả của quyển từ điển này là Ambrose Bierce,  là bạn và là đối thủ của Mark Twain. Ambrose Bierce cũng tác giả nổi tiếng với những bài viết xấc xược, thú vị và đôi khi được đánh giá là can đảm khi viết chúng

Một số cách lý giải hài hước của Ambrose Bierce về con người và sự vật trong quyển từ điển này

• Ngôi sao: là người dành cả đời để trở nên nổi tiếng và sau đó lại đeo kính râm để tránh bị nhận diện.

• Nha sỹ: là người đút kim loại vào miệng ta và rút tiền trong ví ta

• Giáo dục: là một loại hoạt động khiến cho người khôn ngoan biết rằng họ khôn ngoan và giúp người ngu ngốc cải trang thành kẻ khôn ngoan.

• Tình bạn: là một con thuyền đủ lớn để chở hai người khi trời quang mây tạnh nhưng sẽ vỡ làm đôi khi gặp cơn dông bão (Chơi chữ: Trong tiếng Anh, friendship là tình bạn, ship là con thuyền).

• Tương lai: là khoảng thời gian mà công việc của chúng ta suôn sẻ, bạn bè chân thành với chúng ta và hạnh phúc của chúng ta được đảm bảo.

• Ngôi nhà: là một dinh thự được dựng lên làm nơi trú ngụ cho con người, chuột, các loại bọ cánh cứng, ruồi, muỗi, bọ chét và vi khuẩn.

• Vòng cổ: là một vật trang trí tốn hàng đống tiền khiến phụ nữ giống như một con cá bị bóp họng.

• Kẻ nhàm chán (Bore): là kẻ nói huyên thuyên khi mà ta muốn họ lắng nghe (A person who talks when you wish him to listen.)

Một số từ thú vị nguyên gốc bằng tiếng Anh

• Abdication, n.  An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature of the throne.

• Absent, adj.  Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilified; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another.

• Admiration, n.  Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.

• Advice, n.  The smallest current coin.

• Air, n.  A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

• Alliance, n.  In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.

• Applause, n.  The echo of a platitude.

• Armor, n.  The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

• Back, n.  That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.

• Blackguard, n.  A man whose qualities, prepared for display like a box of berries in a market—the fine ones on top—have been opened on the wrong side. An inverted gentleman.

• Cabbage, n.  A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.

• Cat, n.  A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

• Childhood, n.  The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth—two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.

• Conversation, n.  A fair for the display of minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of this neighbor.

• Curse, v.t.  Energetically to belabor with a verbal slap-stick. This is an operation which in literature, particularly in the drama, is commonly fatal to the victim.

• Deputy, n.  A male relative of an office-holder, or of his bondsman. The deputy is commonly a beautiful young man, with a red necktie and an intricate system of cobwebs extending from his nose to his desk. When accidentally struck by the janitor’s broom, he gives off a cloud of dust.

• Die, n.  The singular of “dice.” We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, “Never say die.” At long intervals, however, some one says: “The die is cast,” which is not true, for it is cut. The word is found in an immortal couplet by that eminent poet and domestic economist, Senator Depew:

• Dog, n.  A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world’s worship. 

• Envelope, n.  The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the husk of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter.

• Fork, n.  An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. Formerly the knife was used for this purpose, and by many worthy persons is still thought to have many advantages over the other tool, which, however, they do not altogether reject, but use to assist in the charging of the knife. The immunity of these persons from swift and awful death is one of the most striking proofs of God’s mercy to those that hate Him.
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• Frog, n.  A reptile with edible legs. The first mention of frogs in profane literature is in Homer’s narrative of the war between them and the mice. Skeptical persons have doubted Homer’s authorship of the work, but the learned, ingenious and industrious Dr. Schliemann has set the question forever at rest by uncovering the bones of the slain frogs.
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• Gallows, n.  A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor is translated to heaven. In this country the gallows is chiefly remarkable for the number of persons who escape it.
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• Geology, n.  The science of the earth’s crust—to which, doubtless, will be added that of its interior whenever a man shall come up garrulous out of a well. The geological formations of the globe already noted are catalogued thus: The Primary, or lower one, consists of rocks, bones of hired mules, gas-pipes, miners’ tools, antique statues minus the nose, Spanish doubloons and ancestors. The Secondary is largely made up of red worms and moles. The Tertiary comprises railway tracks, patent pavements, grass, snakes, mouldy boots, beer bottles, tomato cans, intoxicated citizens, anarchists, snap-dogs and fools.

• Graces, n.pl.  Three beautiful goddesses, Aglaia, Thalia and Euphrosyne, who attended upon Venus, serving without salary. They were at no expense for board and clothing, for they ate nothing to speak of and dressed according to the weather, wearing whatever breeze happened to be blowing.

• Handkerchief, n.  A small square of silk or linen, used in various ignoble offices about the face and especially serviceable at funerals to conceal the lack of tears.

• Hostility, n.  A peculiarly sharp and specially applied sense of the earth’s overpopulation.

• Idleness, n.  A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.

• Interpreter, n.  One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter’s advantage for the other to have said.

• Introduction, n.  A social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.

• Mayonnaise, n.  One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

• Me, pro.  The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive.

• Medicine, n.  A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.

• Miss, n.  A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Missis (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. In the general abolition of social titles in this our country they miraculously escaped to plague us. If we must have them let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to Mh.

• Ostrich, n.  A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe in which so many pious naturalists have seen a conspicuous evidence of design. The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly.

• Piano, n.  A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

• Recruit, n.  A person distinguishable from a civilian by his uniform and from a soldier by his gait.

• Telephone, n.  An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

• Telescope, n.  A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.

Từ điển đầy đủ bằng tiếng Anh có thể tìm thấy ở đây:

• https://www.gutenberg.org/files/972/972-h/972-h.htm
  

Tham khảo:

• https://home.mit.bme.hu/~meszaros/fun/devildic.htm
• https://giadinhonline.vn/goc-nhin-hai-huoc-ve-cuoc-song-cua-tac-gia-tu-dien-ma-quai-d12227.html
• https://www.gutenberg.org/files/972/972-h/972-h.htm
• https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2017/10/25/best-bits-devils-dictionary/
• https://www.ralphsteadman.com/collection/the-devils-dictionary/